“We must bear in mind that it is sometimes we who are putting another in the state I here labeled “identity amnesia.” We do this if we successfully pressure the other to bend him or herself to our liking without doing any bending in turn. We are sometimes victims and at other times—victimizers. It may be we, that is, who cast on another the spell of a false love.”
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-philosophers-diaries/202105/under-the-spell-false-love
Know Thyself 