I am Not the Doer


These days, I switch off my mobile and computer between 6 pm and 12 midnight every day, and sit in silent retreat in a meditative mood.

What I notice is that during those periods, without any prompting or effort or wish on my part, the mind is off on its own to the past, present, and future back and forth, manufacturing thoughts, memories, I-thoughts (feeling of ego), sense of doership (“I did that”, “I wish I had not done that”, “I wish I had done that”), and feelings and emotions of joy, wonder, desires, sadness, anxieties, regrets, fears, etc. Thus, it is almost on autopilot.

So, if I am not moving my mind, who is? Maybe the One who is moving the wind, the clouds, and the rivers is the one moving the mind. If I (the ego), which is yet another thought in the mind, is not moving the mind, how can I (the ego) be the agent of speech and action?

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