For most of her life, Kelly McWilliams has felt as though people aren’t seeing her clearly. Kelly is biracial, and she was raised to be proud of her identity: She grew up surrounded by African American culture and literature. But when she walks into a room, a lot of people look at her light skin and fine hair and perceive her as a white woman. And when she does tell people she’s Black, the situation can get uncomfortable — even scary — very, very fast.
Things weren’t like that for Kelly’s brother, who presents as Black. Since they were children, he’s been treated differently in the grocery store, by teachers, by strangers, by the police. Kelly was the graduation speaker at her school; her brother was arrested in the parking lot.
When I talked to Kelly McWilliams for “Modern Love,” she told me about all the ways her mixed-race identity has affected her relationships with her family, friends and romantic partners. It has also shaped her work: Kelly’s new book, “American Nightmare,” is about a Black man who passes for white and ends up working as a spy for the N.A.A.C.P.
The idea of being a spy, of entering spaces and situations without anyone knowing your true identity, is very personal for Kelly. But, she says, after years of being mistaken for someone she’s not, she has learned to be loud about who she really is.
Listen to or read the conversation. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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