Friendship Perfectionism

Psychoanalyst Virginia Goldner distinguishes between two types of safety in relationships, “the flaccid safety of permanent coziness,” maintained by ignoring anger and conflict and pretending problems don’t exist and the “dynamic safety whose robustness is established via… risk-taking and its resolution—the never-ending cycle of breakdown and repair, separation and reunion.” Dynamic safety, Golder suggests, invites trust and fosters true intimacy.

Letting go of friendship perfectionism means realizing intimacy that isn’t perfect is all the more amazing because it’s real.

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