Richard Feynman famously said, “I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics.”
Now, I am thinking that “I can safely say that I do not understand myself.”
How can I, given that I am bipolar.
At one level, I want to sort of shut shop (though NOT stop working for a couple of lovely gentlemen that I work for) and see what happens if I sit quietly for hours together, and yet here I am taking up some work or the other that has no relevance for my livelihood nor even perhaps for my self-realization (remember the apara vidya concept I keep referring to).
So, what gives?
Not sure.
It is of course true that it is not as if I can “choose” to do or not do something since all that seems to be predetermined.
What I am interested in understanding about myself is this thing as to whether these “unnecessary”(?) excursions are part of some undercurrent of mild hypomania tugging at me given after all that it is nearly more than 1 year since I stopped all medication.
Maybe this constant messaging on WhatsApp could be related to that hypomania thing.
Something to mull over.
Reminds one of the opening line of Scott Peck’s book “The Road Less Travelled” — “Life is difficult.” (no, I have not read that book, but maybe I should read it one of these days).
