These days self-love is being advocated. In such a case, what is the self we love or are supposed to love?
Mostly, it is not the “I Am” (one’s own sense of being) that one starts loving or is supposed to love but rather one is expected to love or one falls in love with the various “I am this”–“I am that”, that is, with some aspects of one’s own body-mind.
Then, we are told, the “love” we can then have towards others is based on a more sound footing in that this self-loving self can love the other better in some fashion, NOT the “You Are” (see below why) but the “You are this”–“You are that”, that is, some aspects of their being as are presented to our own minds through their body-mind.
Now, nothing wrong in that at all, and that is how most healthy romantic loves evolve. After all, no body-mind is an island unto itself and has some need for some other body-mind so that they can look after and attend to each other’s welfare, be it at the physical, mental, emotional, financial, social, and maybe even spiritual levels.
But, sometimes what happens is, since even this very healthy and mature and loving romantic love between two people cannot be between an “I Am” and “You Are” (see why below) but between the “I am this”–“I am that” and “You are this”–“You are that” and since the bodies-and-minds are constantly changing, the “this” and “that” of each other that both fell in love with can now start to not be as fulfilling as before. That can lead to some dissatisfaction, and based on one’s psychology, the society and times in which one lives, the socioeconomic status of oneself and the society at large, etc., such dissatisfaction can play out (or not) in many ways.
When one falls in love with the mere “I Am”, questioning oneself “What is this I am and what is its source?” (the “Who am I?” of Ramana Maharshi), then such love will be meditation or summa iru because such attention cuts off the “I am this”–“I am that” to a large extent, which eliminates to a large extent the world from one’s view because the “I am this”–“I am that” are merely thoughts and feelings, and when they become fewer and sparser the world also starts receding form one’s gaze, hence it is the best door to be at to fall back into one’s original nature as Nisargadatta Maharaj pointed out, and which is what he says worked for hime to get liberated or rather realize that he was never bound.
Now, when you stay put with the “I Am” (or fall in love with the “I Am”), as we saw above one’s focus shifts away from the world, but that also means the “You Are”, which is part of the world, also recedes from one’s focus or attention.
Hence, love cannot be between an “I Am” and “You Are” and can only be between an “I am this”–“I am that” and “You are this”–“You are that”.
